A’re you a journalist who’s heard of this “Bitcoin” thing?
Are you desperate to write an article, but don’t know the first thing about it?
Here’s your guide to writing a “Cryptocurrency is a Bubble” article.
Step 1 – Start with the Classic Historical Lesson
Start with the 1929 shoe-shine boy stock tip anecdote. This is essential. It makes you sound learned and that you are a student of the history of the financial markets. Don’t worry that you just read about it on Buzzfeed.
Step 2 – Throw in the Usual Sound bytes
Ensure you refer to “Tulip mania”. Again, it doesn’t matter that you just read about this on Wikipedia. That’s enough detail for this type of article.
Include the word “Bubble” a minimum of three times. Three is just the right amount of repetition to hammer home your point.
Talk about the “greater fool theory”. But importantly, make sure you describe, in painfully simple terms, what this blindingly obvious concept means.
Throw in some statistics about illegal activities. Choose a random percentage; make it high. Drug-dealing and money-laundering are your go-to references. Follow the standard format: “In [insert year], over [insert %] of all bitcoin transactions were [illegal-activity] related”.
Mention Jamie Dimon. A lot.
Step 3 – Avoid These at All Costs
Value is derived from other people. Like every journalist before you, you’re going to be tempted to mention that the value of Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies is derived from what other people are willing to pay for it. That’s fine, throw that in there. But, just make sure you don’t unintentionally mention that all fiat currencies (Pounds, Euro and USD included) are fundamentally identical.
Don’t Try it Out. Again, don’t stray into the dangerous territory of revealing that cryptocurrencies can be useful. For example, don’t actually buy some Bitcoin or Ethereum yourself. Don’t test out a transaction where you send money to a friend abroad in the quickest, lowest cost way possible.
Don’t Mention Use Cases. Highlighting the Bitcoin-bubble is a hot topic right now. Far hotter than the pain and suffering those poor folks in Venezuela and Zimbabwe are experiencing as their economy crumbles in the face of hyper-hyper inflation. Leave those stories for your reporter colleagues less concerned about click-baity content. Don’t dull the sharp edge of your editorial by showing how cryptocurrencies are providing a safe haven asset for everyday people in Venezuela and Zimbabwe.
Step 4 – Wrap It Up and Go Viral
Now you’ve finished your cookie-cutter article, it’s time to hit “Publish” and sit back for those sweet, sweet page views. Make sure those social sharing buttons are working correctly.